Sexual Boredom: How To Overcome It & Make Sex Exciting Again
By Dr Dean Knoll
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By Dr Dean Knoll
In this article several aspects of boredom in the bedroom will be discussed: to what it is, what causes it, and ways you can overcome sexual boredom and make sex exciting again!
In medical research there is no clear consensus on how to define sexual boredom, however boredom in the bedroom is associated with general boredom proneness, which can lead to sexual depression where one feels down about their sex life. This, in turn, can cause reduced overall well-being, and can ultimately also have a negative impact on the intimacy and connectivity of a couple's relationship, both in general and sexually.
According to data in the Journal of Sex Research 27% of women and 41% of men are sexually dissatisfied in their current relationship. In other words: don’t panic if sexual boredom is something you and your significant other are currently experiencing.
Embracing sex positively can reduce the incidence of boredom in the bedroom. The results of a 2018 quantitative study which developed a sexual novelty questionnaire showed an association between lower sexual boredom scores and higher scores of sex-positive traits. These traits could be sexual sensation seeking, sexual assertiveness, sex drive, sex frequency and sexual self-esteem. The individuals who scored highly in sex-positive traits also tended to report higher levels of sexual novelty in their relationships.
There are a number of valid reasons why the "spark" may be gone from the bedroom and why couples can become bored in bed, from the lack of time to medical conditions such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, depression, anxiety and painful sex.
As boredom in the bedroom is associated with reduced sexual responses, including lower sexual arousal and desire, difficulty sustaining attention may be at the root of this issue, as attention is required for couples to cultivate a satisfying sex life.
People also tend to think boredom in the bedroom is inevitable in long-term relationships, though this is not always the case. This belief may be a self-fulfilling prophecy preventing couples from taking steps to alleviate sexual boredom and secure greater satisfaction in their sex lives.
Fortunately, there are ways for couples who are experiencing sexual boredom to address it and reintroduce some excitement into their currently boring sex life.
The first and most important step to making sex exciting again is an open and honest discussion with one's partner. Communication is an essential part of having good, fun sex, and it is important to approach the conversation from a nonjudgmental point of view.
If you're hurt by the changes in your sex life and are experiencing sexual boredom, it is important to let your partner know. This openness can give your partner an opportunity to make positive changes.
Many elements contribute to sexual satisfaction, and more likely than not you’ll find discussing your likes, dislikes and passions can help your partner better satisfy you. Listening to one another's needs, pursuing desired behaviors and staying focused with sexuality can improve a couple's sex life and are important factors to help overcome sexual boredom.
Incorporating novelty into a couple's sex life can help overcome sexual boredom. Experimenting with new activities like using sex toys, sex videos, role playing, new positions or even a new location can improve a couple's sexual satisfaction and reduce boredom in the bedroom.
Scheduling sex doesn’t sound like the sexiest idea when it comes to defeating boredom in the bedroom, but it may be a way to show your partner that you want to prioritize sex just as you do other areas of importance in the relationship. What's more, having sex on the calendar can reduce anxiety about not having enough time for it, and it may increase anticipation of the sexual experience.
If you’re trying all of these strategies to resolve boredom in the bedroom and you find they just aren't working, a sex therapist can help you and your partner uncover and resolve issues to bring passion back into your sex life and make sex exciting again.
Sexual boredom can be a common phenomenon. There are a number of reasons why this situation develops including physiological conditions, psychological factors or a combination of both.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, though! Once recognized, there are several ways to make sex exciting again. The first and most important step is honest communication between the partners. Sexual novelty introduced into a relationship by means of experimenting with sex toys, sex videos, new sexual positions and locations and making time for sex are effective remedies to eliminate boredom in the bedroom.
L. Dean Knoll, M.D. is the Director of the Men’s Health Clinic and Prosthetic Urology for Urology Associates in Nashville, TN. Dr. Knoll received his medical degree from the University of Health Sciences, Chicago Medical School, North Chicago, Illinois. He completed an internship in general surgery and a residency in urology at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. A frequent contributor to the medical press, Dr. Knoll has published over 100 peer-reviewed articles, abstracts and book chapters. He has delivered numerous lectures and operated both nationally and internationally. Dr. Knoll has been a principle investigator in over 110 basic science and clinical trials of new devices and pharmacotherapies for various urological diseases including new devices and pharmacotherapies for the diagnosis and treatment of male erectile dysfunction, male and female urinary incontinence and benign prostatic hypertrophy. Dr. Knoll is a fellow of the American College of Surgeons and a diplomat of the American Board of Urology. He is also a member of numerous international and nation medical organizations, including the American Urological Association, the International Society of Sexual Medicine and the Sexual Medicine Society of North America.
